Email lessons: A gentle introduction to Email etiquette

By Esther Schindler

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You are no longer an email novice. You've long since figured out how to write a message in your email software, and you know how to use the "cc:" field to send a message to multiple recipients. But you may still be making mistakes -- socially, if not technology-wise.

Every type of social gathering has its own rules. For example, you behave differently at a wedding than you do at a backyard picnic. If you say or do the wrong thing, people may not call your attention to it -- but they'll sure roll their eyes and think that you're ignorant.

Online rules of behavior have evolved too. When you're new, it helps to learn these rules, rather than behave boorishly. Here are a few e-mail rules that can help you become more socially and technically adept.

Being Too Forward

Let's say that you get a very funny joke from a friend. It's hilarious. You can think of ten people who'd like this joke, too. You click on the Forward button in your e-mail client, and...

WAIT.

Are you sure the joke is that funny? Are you reasonably sure that it's new or unique? It's fine to share jokes with friends, but limit yourself. Yes, to some degree the joke sending replaces "Thinking of You" greeting cards, but I don't need a dozen of them. One relative sends 10 jokes at a time, and I might care about one of those jokes. 

This is akin to a dinner companion telling joke after joke, without taking time to have an actual conversation. One joke? Sure. Two? Maybe. Three? Get a life. In general, you shouldn't send the same people more than three jokes in a week; if you're doing more, it's too much.

The same thing goes for heartwarming stories. These can also offend philosophically, as they always seem to involve a school-age child, an unfeeling teacher and a message about belief in God. Or there's a story meant to be patriotic but which can easily be read as jingoistic. Consider your audience before you send anyone these stories; atheists are not amused.

And it applies, too, to the thousands of scary stories about current events, from criminal to legislative; most of these tales are not based in fact, but people forward them nonetheless because the message says: "Send to everyone you know." If a message has to say that you should forward it, then you probably shouldn't. At least, before you send stories about bizarre occurrences, imminent cell-phone legislation (that includes no date), or Bill Gates' intention to reward people who send around email messages... check out the veracity of such claims at Snopes.com before you click on Forward. (That is no hardship, as plenty of the material on Snopes is entertaining on its own.)

Don't assume that your recipient will look up the information. If you're too lazy to verify the message, you're being rude by passing along something you're not even sure is true, and you're scare-mongering.

In other words... be reasonably sure that the person to whom you're sending the message actually wants to receive it.

Sailing the high CCs

OK, OK, you convinced me. You really want to send out this joke. Fine. But I have a few requests.

Because this is a great joke, you intend to send it to 10 or 20 people. They might be friends, relatives, coworkers, people you haven't seen in a couple of years. That's fine. Maybe it's overkill, but who am I to complain that you're popular?

However, your first idea is probably to select all those people from your contact list, and put them all in the TO field. Or maybe the CC field.

Think again.

This is a bad idea for a couple of reasons. The first is simply basic manners; we all like to believe we're special. If I get a message from you with 20 other people on the list, I feel like I'm the recipient of a mass mailing, and I can't even imagine that you saw this incredibly funny joke and thought immediately of charming *me* by sending it along.

Also, there's an issue of privacy here. It's one thing for me to send a message to a set of close relatives -- my sisters, maybe my cousins -- because the item might be of enough interest to start an actual conversation among all the recipients. (e.g., "I found this story Grandma told!"). But if I send a message to a dozen people who don't know each other and have no reason to be connected, I'm now giving out their contact information to utter strangers. You probably wouldn't give me your sister's mailing address, so what makes it OK to give me her email ID?

Instead of addressing the message to everyone in the To field, send the message to yourself (i.e. your own email ID in the To field). Then put all the recipients in the BCC field. The message will go out to each of them, but each recipient will see only your name in the To field.

In case you're wondering, CC stands for Carbon Copy, and BCC for Blind Carbon Copy. It's an anachronism from the quaint old days in which we used actual carbon paper with actual typewriters, and the CC: at the end of a document recorded how many copies were made and to whom they were sent.

Also, if the joke is that funny, please be sure that the intended recipient sees it. Clicking on Forward is one thing. Being the tenth person to click on Forward is another. Your recipient doesn't need to see the entire path that this joke has taken around the Internet, with every email header and "use AOL mail!" advertisement and corporate signature text and all sorts of other attachments. Cut and paste the actual joke, or clean up that wraparound text. Your friend will more easily see the message, and be much more likely to appreciate it.

All this advice probably makes me sound curmudgeonly, as though I don't want to hear from my closest friends. That isn't true. In fact, I have an entire folder labeled Jokes, in which I collect the funniest stories I've received. However, if you want to entertain me or say "Hi!" with a joke or other story, we'll both be happier if you do so with good online manners.